We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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