My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
