I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
