omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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