Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
