The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
