Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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