I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
