the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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