im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
