fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
