ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
