naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
