You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
