The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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