I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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