i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
