So drunk, too bad you don't want this
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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