and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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