ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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