i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
