12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When did angry sex become our thing?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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