Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
