that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
