He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
