why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
