Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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