You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
