I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
