I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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