I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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