I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
