well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
