Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
