The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
