hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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