hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
