I just saw a hot homeless man
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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