I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Oh god it's open bar.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
