Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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