Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
