I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
