I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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