How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
