haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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