I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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