I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
