I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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