There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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