So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I understand Curling. That high.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
