so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
