"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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