We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
