Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
