The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
