Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
