I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Don't make out with my wife yet
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
