I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
